There are few things in this world that can change who are-to the very core-like becoming a parent. It is the most eye-opening experience known to man. There is this tiny, little soul that looks to you with no fear and no judgement. They need you in a way that you aren’t fully prepared for but that feels so gratifying that there are no words.
I held that little person in my arms for the first time and I was in love. It sounds so cliché and while you do love the idea of them and the anticipation of the whole situation while they are in utero, there is just nothing like the moment you hold them in your arms for the very first time. It is the most overwhelming feeling I have ever experienced, making me a believer in the phrase, “Love at first sight” (though I still don’t belive in the romantic version). It is looking into those eyes that I knew that I had to be a wonderful mother. Because there is just no way you could love someone this much and not do and be everything you could for them.
That love never fades. It is tested as they get older, defiant, develop these little personalities that you almost can’t recognize at moments, but it never fades. Not one iota. It only gets stronger and you learn to appreciate the sweet moments more when you know that there may be a nasty temper tantrum right around the corner. Along with that all-encompassing love I also developed what I like to call, “Mom Guilt”. Everything is my fault. Temper tantrum in target? My fault for not being more of a disciplinarian. Kicked a neighbor’s dog? My fault for letting him wrestle with our dogs too much. Being responsible for this tiny little person who, at times, just goes rogue, can bring about guilt. I feel guilty about everything that goes wrong in that little boy’s life.
Though I have to say, I would do it a million times over and I wouldn’t change one minute of one day for anything. Even the scares, the late nights, the fits, the fights, and the times spent discussing (heatedly) parenting differences with my husband. It all brought me my wonderful gift, my family, and I could not be more grateful.
I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.