God bless the broken road that lead me home…

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This morning to kick off the theme of football Sunday we decided to watch a movie about our favorite, ‘favorite American pastime’, football. It was called, “Touchback“. Instead of being your average David and Goliath coming-of-age-story about a high school football team that we were expecting, it dug a little deeper. Without giving away too much, it was about a high school football player that is injured in the final game of the year and it changes the course of his life from a future full of superstar potential to one with his wife and children where he works hard and struggles to make ends meet. He decides that his family would benefit more financially from his death than by his best efforts living so he attempts to commit suicide using carbon monoxide poisoning, passes out and wakes up back in high school before the game in which he blows out his knee thus changing the course of his life forever. Kind of a Peggy Sue gets Married but with football type of deal.

This is the type of film that I love, one that causes me to step outside of myself and look deeper within. In the movie he was set and prepped for glory. He had a scholarship to a prestigious school but it all was ruined with one hit on the field. When he went back, he had the chance to change his fate but that would change the fact that he met his wife and had two daughters. His life wasn’t easy, it wasn’t glamorous, but it was his and it was full of love even if it was hard.

There are a million of those singular moments in my life. Choices and decisions that changed the direction of my life forever. I can look back in hindsight and see them with crystal clarity now. Each one of those terrible decisions sent me into a more difficult road, changed my fate, and made me who I am. If I woke up back in high school, what would I change? How would being an adult and knowing the consequences of my actions influence the choices that I would make? In that instance I could eliminate years of hurt, of anger, of struggling my way through my early twenties.

But without those decisions, changing my fate, would never have brought me here.

I moved to Austin solely out of frustration with my then current situation. I needed a change, to get away. Without those bad choices and the heartbreak, would I even have moved here and, in turn, met my husband and had our son? The answer is no. I would never have fled a bad situation and found my happiness had I had the chance to change things. The truth is, that while it wasn’t what my high school self dreamed of as the picture of happiness, my life became more than I ever could have dreamed.

I would be lying if I said that at times it isn’t difficult. Raising a child can be monumentally trying at moments. Marriage is not sunshine and roses every day of the week. There are days that I remember that I am not the superstar psychologist that I set out to be. We aren’t rich or anywhere even close. I had big dreams of being wealthy, of being widely respected. Instead, literally right at this moment, I can’t even manage to get a toddler to listen to me consistently.

But would I change it all if I could?

The answer is no. Money doesn’t buy happiness and success doesn’t guarantee it, either. Being someone that is loved, that is cherished, that is a valued member of a team...that is priceless. Waking up every day to a good morning kiss is infinitely more than priceless. Snuggling up with my family for movie night, that is happiness. And I wouldn’t change one piece of it for anything.

What would you change if you could?

Musings

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Amber Perea View All →

I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.

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