An open letter to all of my followers and fellow moms and how you saved my fragile sanity…

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Okay, so at this point, now we are really getting to know each other. So I am going to let you in on a little secret. In the beginning of my blogging journey (all 5 minutes ago) I sat down at a computer and thought, “I always have so much to say and no one to say it to. What, oh what, can I do with that where I won’t be judged or {all caps} yelled at?”

You see, I was having a hard time back then. I had lost my support system and was having a multitude of difficulties in making new friends (can you really even make friends like that again in your thirties? Really?) where I lived and since it was so far from where I grew up I didn’t even know where to begin. Or if I wanted to at all, even. My son was working on an Autism diagnosis, my husband had totally shut down with “wait and sees”, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell friends (errr…acquaintances but please don’t tell them I said that) what was going on with Jp yet. I was even still in that “phase” of denial and anger so much that I dreaded taking him to the park. Those pesky “normal” kids were running around -full of words and organic phrases- and it always made me sad and wistful. Okay, to be perfectly honest, the breeze would have brought me to tears back then. I was having quite the time adjusting to everything around me and I just had nowhere to put everything down and let it sort itself out. I genuinely was walking around my tiny world with everything crammed neatly in my head space and it was slowly driving me insane. Seriously.

I can recall an afternoon that I opened a package of chicken breasts and saw that I had purchased the incorrect kind for what I needed. I sat down at the kitchen table and cried for 20 minutes. No, I could easily see even in that moment, that the chicken was not the problem. I needed to stop attempting to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders as I may be a strong person but no one was meant to go this road alone. And I truly felt horribly alone in a house full of people. Of course It wasn’t their fault, it was mine, and only I could do anything about it.

So there I sat in front of the computer.

What to do? What to do? Where to go? I looked into forums but it seemed so cold and clinical. Post and sit around and wait for a response. Sounds like more rejection to me. No, thank you. Then I started thinking of a few people that posted blogs to Facebook. I thought I might go and see what it was all about. Ta-dah! Four months later here I am. I love blogging. From the very first post that I agonized over for days (now I dart these puppies off in a 30 minute Team Unizoomi break) and finally had the courage to press “Send”, I immediately felt better.

Just being able to take all of the thoughts, dark or not, that were rolling around in my brain and physically weighing me down, and put them onto a page and send them out into the world was this tremendously cathartic feeling for me. I started to feel lighter, more able to handle things in my world properly as I wasn’t carrying around all of this resentment and jealousy baggage anymore.

There are moms like me out there.

Moms that stress, moms that teach communication, and moms that spend whole days listening to nonsensical tantrums because you have no idea what your child is saying (some days I am convinced he has no idea what he wants…smart boy). It was such a refreshing and positive experience to learn that I am not alone.

This personal journey, becoming a blogger, has changed me. It has made me a more confident parent, a more patient mother (since tantrums that used to terrify me are now material for tomorrow’s posts), and a more tolerable wife (since I have a place outside of our marriage to vent and whine). It has made me see parenting differently; it has made feel a part of a larger community and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

Mostly, I am grateful for all of you. For the people that take the time out of their busy and stressful lives to lend and ear and words of support when things aren’t sunshine and roses for myself and my rambunctious progeny. For the people that take that minute to respond and laugh at my jokes. I am more grateful than words can express for the people that read my blog and maybe even enjoy it from time to time. I owe a big portion of my sanity to all of you.

Thank you. Sometimes you never know what the smallest tokens can bring to a person and you have all brought me a tremendous amount of support and community. Thank you for picking me up when I am down and for your blogs, as well, for making me laugh and seeing the world around me in the first time in quite awhile. It was so easy to crawl into a pit of despair when I found out my son wasn’t like all the other kids on the playground but I have learned that that doesn’t make him different, it makes him special. How lucky am I to be a part of that?

How lucky I am to be a part of all of this.

Thank you, again, for just being yourselves, and for allowing me to be myself.

Musings Parenting

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Amber Perea View All →

I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.

20 Comments Leave a comment

  1. It is amazing what writing can do, even for me and I mostly write silly nonsense.

    Still, it can be heartbreaking to buy the wrong type of chicken. The farther the store , the more it hurts.

    • Your nonsense isn’t silly, it’s brilliant. Everyone needs levity in their life and your post always make me laugh and that is the best part!

      Oh, the freaking chicken. I live too close to the store for tears. Weeping over chicken is about the weirdest (nonpregnant) thing I have ever done. πŸ˜‰

      • Couldn’t have said it better myself! Even hubby has seen a difference in me since I’ve started writing. It really is amazing being able to put it all out there just for the sake of venting. Even more amazing when someone comes along and actually reads it and either tells you they’ve been there or have inspired them and you’re like “Really? Inspired? Me? Noooo” haha I love the blogging community. Truly has been more helpful than I ever thought it could be and offered support that I didn’t even know I needed. Hugs to you πŸ™‚

      • Thank you! I can imagine my husband has noticed a difference, too, since we haven’t gotten into a meaningless bickering match in ages. Well, unless you count the one about how much time I spend blogging…whoops. πŸ˜‰

        If you would have asked me in December I would have said I was fine and that I could handle it. But now…I just feel so much more relieved of stress that I would say that I would have been a basket case by now without it!

        I don’t think I have inspired anyone yet…but I’m waiting for the day. πŸ˜‰ Thank you for taking the time to read and comment!

        PS- I saw on your page that you live in Austin, too!

      • No problem. I love keeping up! And yes, we are in Austin! Well, actually, in Kyle. We were in South Austin forever. What part of Austin are you in? Probably sat next to each other in a doctor’s office!

      • Ewww that’s no fun! We’re so close, yet so far apart! Haha traffic makes it nearly impossible to get north to south (and vice versa) within any reasonable amount of time.

    • I wouldn’t have cried at the chicken, no matter how far the store. I would’ve swore my fucking head off and found a way to make it my husbands fault. It’s amazing what that can do for a girl. Then I would’ve written an instructional blog on how to never take the blame for anything.
      Team Awesome? I think so.
      Right? πŸ˜‰

  2. I’m right there with ya…my mind seems to have a little extra room nowadays, since some of my ponderings can come out into words on my blogs, and give me a little room to breathe! I love knowing you and JP are out there working as hard as me and my crew at just figuring out jibberish!

  3. I’m about three months behind you, and although I don’t write much about my kids I appreciate being able to read blogs like yours and to know, like you, that I’m not alone. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m glad you’re around. Keep up the great work! πŸ™‚

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