Yesterday was a quite a wonderful day and I actually have several ideas for posts right now so I really wrestled with which to write first. The most interesting in my repertoire right now was that last night was the time that I finally came “out of the closet” when it came to telling my friend’s about Jp’s developmental issues. Those that have been following me long enough know what a big step for me that is. I spent months hiding and avoiding the people that I claim I am closest to so to stand there and openly discuss the different things that I have been going through was a liberating and amazing feeling.
I was met with two responses. One that shocked me and one that was a huge sense of comfort. We had friends in from California. They are hippies. The real deal. The rope-sandel-wearing-I-don’t-believe-in-western-medicine-holistic-medical-marijuanna-shop-owning hippies. My friend’s wife told me that her oldest daughter, Jenna, had many of the same issues. She hardly spoke until the age of three and was always socially behind her peers. Now she is on the honor roll at 11. What a great thing for this Mamma to hear. In fact, when I was explaining the receptive language delay she looked quite surprised and even said, “You know, that is probably what she had! She never seemed to understand me at all!” Strange that she didn’t take her to Speech? Maybe a little, but they are hippies and that is just their way. She said she still struggles socially but the older she gets the better it is and that warmed my heart in such a wonderful way. Honor roll? Yes, please.
The other friend I spoke with is a pediatric nurse, believe that one or not, and one of my closest friends in the group. She was understanding and listened and even dropped a strange little tidbit on me. A mutual friend, one that seemingly dropped off of the face of the earth lately, has a son that she thinks has classic autism. Or, at least, my friend thinks he does. The mutual friend is still in heavy denial (which is why she is hiding and hasn’t posted on Facebook in months and months.) and I immediately felt her pain and want to reach out to her. It’s a lonely place that she is in right now and I feel like I should lend some support and understanding and perhaps turn her on to this wonderful community that has helped me process so much.
What a fantastic “coming out” party for me. It’s so funny, when you are going through it, you feel so alone, like there is no one else whose children are less than perfect (I have met Jenna and aside from being painfully shy would have never guessed there were any issues there at all) and then when you stand there -bare naked and praying not to be judged- that is when you find that we are all alike. That people worry and stress just like you. That this is something that maybe not everyone goes through but you are certainly not alone. It was a wonderful feeling. Unbeatable, really.
Even when everyone stared at Jp for the rest of the evening waiting for him to do something “weird”.
I couldn’t blame them on that one and he was actually amazingly behaved until he went to bed. But everyone kept giving me these hilarious compliments like, “His attention span is really good!” and “..but his eye contact is perfect!”. Yes, guys, I know. He’s pretty awesome. Thank you for seeing it with me.
I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.