Mistake # 1- Taking Jp to the store when I darn well knew he should be napping. I knew better than that. He handles sleepy two ways: cranky and defiant. What am I? A rookie here?
Mistake # 2- Deciding to leave the cart in the foyer since I could carry the bags with both hands. Again, this is not my first rodeo, I have no idea what I was thinking. Parents of toddlers always need one available hand for tyke wrangling.
Mistake # 3- Turning around and apologizing to the lady behind me for obstructing her pathway. I don’t know her and my manners almost caused a catastrophic event.
After mistake number three was being made, the very second that I turned around and laid my eyes on Jp, he gave me the most mischievous look -chock full of intent- and darted out into the road in front of the grocery store. While there is a sign that states that pedestrians have the right of way, no one is looking for a 3 foot person to be there alone. Why, you ask?
BECAUSE A 3 FOOT PERSON HAS NO BUSINESS DARTING OUT INTO TRAFFIC!
And a darn-well-knows-better Mom has no business having her hands totally full of bags so that she is weighed down and can barely get to him in time. Thankfully, I did and my yelling like a lunatic caught the attention of the person driving the SUV and they got off their blasted cell phone and started paying attention. Bags a flyin’, I ran over and grabbed him by the arm and when I bent over I realized that I was yelling, drawing massive amounts of attention to myself, all while my pants slid down a good ways and I was showing the entire parking lot my unmentionables. Then, after that glorious show, I collapsed with Jp on the curb and began a short word filled lecture that included the words, “No”, “Crazy”, and “Hold hands”, excessively.
The look on his face? Much like the one I mentioned in the post where he was hanging from the balcony. Like he had been waiting months upon months for me to look away just long enough for him to do that.
Oy vey, he could have died! I could have died! Well, maybe that is slightly dramatic as this was in front of the store so the car was going no faster than 10 miles an hour but still…this is just further proof that I may or may not be able to get this wild child to adulthood in one piece. I’m not a Mom that just lets him run rampant while I chitty chat on my cell phone (in public, at least). I’m pretty vigilant. But all it takes is that one moment and the next thing you know the kid is -quite literally- playing in traffic. And it’s not even like I can use the “but he doesn’t understand, he has a comprehension difficulty” card, either, because if you saw the look of pure mischief on his sweet face you would know what I knew…that he had full faculties on that one. He knew what he was doing and that it wasn’t allowed and he saw an opportunity to just go for it. Calculated is an understatement.
How scared should I be that he loves and seeks out misadventures? Like, 9 out a 10?
Oh, and just to make this story that much funnier…can we talk about my panties that I broadcast to the whole neighborhood (Shut up, Don) for a minute? Murphy really knew something about making a law, didn’t he? Most days, my underwear just hang out under my clothes (hence the name) and are seen by no one but my husband. Today? It’s laundry day for delicates…so I was wearing the first pair I laid my hands on which were the “special occasion” ones. You know, the ones in the drawer that match a lacy top and you only bust them out on Valentines and Anniversaries? Yes, those underwear are the ones I flashed to all of the other suburban Moms (it was, after all, one o’clock on a Tuesday) of my very small neighborhood. Yeah buddy, if you are going to embarrass yourself, it’s better to go for the gold, I guess.
And as for Jp, that silly monkey backpack with a leash is starting to look less and less ridiculous (Just kidding…I hope)! 😉
Photo Credit Picture 1: bucultureshock.com
Number 2: www.babychildcare.com
I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.