Showing my A&$ in public (also known as a Tuesday)…

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Mistake # 1- Taking Jp to the store when I darn well knew he should be napping. I knew better than that. He handles sleepy two ways: cranky and defiant. What am I? A rookie here?

Mistake # 2- Deciding to leave the cart in the foyer since I could carry the bags with both hands. Again, this is not my first rodeo, I have no idea what I was thinking. Parents of toddlers always need one available hand for tyke wrangling.

Mistake # 3- Turning around and apologizing to the lady behind me for obstructing her pathway. I don’t know her and my manners almost caused a catastrophic event.

After mistake number three was being made, the very second that I turned around and laid my eyes on Jp, he gave me the most mischievous look -chock full of intent- and darted out into the road in front of the grocery store. While there is a sign that states that pedestrians have the right of way, no one is looking for a 3 foot person to be there alone. Why, you ask?

BECAUSE A 3 FOOT PERSON HAS NO BUSINESS DARTING OUT INTO TRAFFIC!

And a darn-well-knows-better Mom has no business having her hands totally full of bags so that she is weighed down and can barely get to him in time. Thankfully, I did and my yelling like a lunatic caught the attention of the person driving the SUV and they got off their blasted cell phone and started paying attention. Bags a flyin’, I ran over and grabbed him by the arm and when I bent over I realized that I was yelling, drawing massive amounts of attention to myself, all while my pants slid down a good ways and I was showing the entire parking lot my unmentionables. Then, after that glorious show, I collapsed with Jp on the curb and began a short word filled lecture that included the words, “No”, “Crazy”, and “Hold hands”, excessively.

The look on his face? Much like the one I mentioned in the post where he was hanging from the balcony. Like he had been waiting months upon months for me to look away just long enough for him to do that.

Oy vey, he could have died! I could have died! Well, maybe that is slightly dramatic as this was in front of the store so the car was going no faster than 10 miles an hour but still…this is just further proof that I may or may not be able to get this wild child to adulthood in one piece. I’m not a Mom that just lets him run rampant while I chitty chat on my cell phone (in public, at least). I’m pretty vigilant. But all it takes is that one moment and the next thing you know the kid is -quite literally- playing in traffic. And it’s not even like I can use the “but he doesn’t understand, he has a comprehension difficulty” card, either, because if you saw the look of pure mischief on his sweet face you would know what I knew…that he had full faculties on that one. He knew what he was doing and that it wasn’t allowed and he saw an opportunity to just go for it. Calculated is an understatement.

How scared should I be that he loves and seeks out misadventures? Like, 9 out a 10?

Oh, and just to make this story that much funnier…can we talk about my panties that I broadcast to the whole neighborhood (Shut up, Don) for a minute? Murphy really knew something about making a law, didn’t he? Most days, my underwear just hang out under my clothes (hence the name) and are seen by no one but my husband. Today? It’s laundry day for delicates…so I was wearing the first pair I laid my hands on which were the “special occasion” ones. You know, the ones in the drawer that match a lacy top and you only bust them out on Valentines and Anniversaries? Yes, those underwear are the ones I flashed to all of the other suburban Moms (it was, after all, one o’clock on a Tuesday) of my very small neighborhood. Yeah buddy, if you are going to embarrass yourself, it’s better to go for the gold, I guess.

And as for Jp, that silly monkey backpack with a leash is starting to look less and less ridiculous (Just kidding…I hope)! πŸ˜‰

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Photo Credit Picture 1: bucultureshock.com

Number 2: www.babychildcare.com

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Amber Perea View All →

I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.

29 Comments Leave a comment

  1. I would’ve totally had panty guilt seeing you with your fancy under duds on like “oh I dress like a Victoria’s Secret ALLLLL the time even on an average Tuesday…what do you MEAN you don’t?!”… I’m glad Jp is OK, that lil guy keeps you hopping… and in case he doesn’t Don should be online eventually and entertain us all with his comments about your drawers. πŸ™‚

    • The actual danger factor was pretty low but it just scares me for when we are other places. He really knows better, we’ve been doing the look left, look right bit ever since he could walk. πŸ™‚ Oh, he keeps me moving alright and every time he does something wild, I always think of what my mom said when I told her I was having a boy (since she wished a girl upon me since I made her crazy as a teen), “There is no justice in the world”.

      I think she’s laughing at me from Heaven right now! Lol πŸ™‚

      As for the panties, that’s funny. My thought was I looked trashy. Cause you know the special occasion ones are for the dirty nights! πŸ˜‰

  2. I have 4 kids that were all under the age of 5 at one time. Trust me I loved monkey, panda, cat, bird any leash back pack I could get them to wear when I had to take them places by myself or malls. : }
    Ps. I know the face he had and I hope now you can smile when you think about it, he will have it again. I send you my prayers and love.

  3. I think everyday should be “special occasion panties” day. And those monkey-backpack leashes are awesome, by the way.
    Sexy gitch and a toddler on a leash. Hotter than hot, I say!

  4. I’ve embraced the leash…no matter how fast I am, they are closer to the ground, can scope out the scene while I’m distracted buckling the other kid in, and they are “wanderer a at heart” (and it drives me nuts every moment of every day).

    And as for the panties…you go girl, give those buttoned up moms something to think about. They’ve probably been at home, baking their family dinner wondering what kinda fun you and your hubby get into and where she lost hers along the way πŸ˜‰

    • Lol! I wish I could, in a way, and with two it makes sense, but with one it just feels lazy! Like I can’t even handle one!

      Take that Cedar Park! Nothing like being the freaky mom to get THEIR panties in a twist! πŸ™‚

  5. This post made me smile even though it reminds me of similar insane, scary moments. Instead of a monkey we had Elmo, didn’t work because the velcros were not strong enough — in airports we keep him in the car seat with 5-point harness while we’re checking in or waiting for our luggage. In Atlanta he got on the conveyor belt and was three feet from the chute when I caught him.

  6. I have twins. They’re six now, but they used to run in opposite directions into the parking lot on me. Then what? Choose which child to save? It was tough going anywhere.

  7. Love this! It hits a little too close to home right now because I had the worst dream ever the other night about Lukas and roads and cars…. I think we need to start a child leash revolution and just make it be cool and chic. I’ll start by jumping into a time machine and telling my twenty two year old mall working judgmental self that, “Wow, child pets are the way to go! Look how cool and confident that mom looks!” Once we nail down the market we might even think of expanding to man leashes. I’ll hold tight to mine while you flash your lacy undies at my drooling butt fiend husband in the parking lot.

    • Lol I would say I’d never flash my undies to your husband but… Lol πŸ™‚

      Cars have always been a big fear of mine…I think it’s because I have seen Pet Cemetery too many times (if you have no idea what I’m talking about please don’t watch it-ever). One more move like yesterday and I will gladly dork it up with a leash! Being cool hasn’t been an issue since high school and I am not starting now, especially when it comes to my Jpeezy. πŸ˜‰

      • Amen sista. πŸ˜‰ Unfortunately I have seen Pet Cemetary. I live the next town over from Steven King so it’s kind of a must around here lol. And you are so right, being cool is so far from my mind. After getting Lukas all set If I remember to put deoderant on in the morning I consider that a successful day for me.

  8. Been there! Kids can definitely shave a few years off your lifespan! I think I would have felt proud of the sexy panties and would have been relieved they weren’t the dreaded granny panties.

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