People who live in glass houses should…move. Glass houses sound dangerous and silly in the first place.

Judging

I have been reading a ton of posts lately about judgmental parenting from my fellow bloggers. Honestly, in both perspectives. I read posts that are insanely judgmental and I often wonder if they even know how crass it is coming across and -transversely- posts where people feel unjustly judged and can’t believe they were treated in such a manner. I, personally, have been witness to strangers that truly believe that by sharing their tidbits of sage wisdom they are actually being helpful. As though when someone feels compelled to comment that you are actually going to go home and think that maybe you should change what you are doing. No, you are going to think that they are a super jerk that should really mind their own darn business. Because they should. In fact, a long time ago, one of my first posts was titled, Embrace your Mom Crazy but don’t be a Judgmental Judy. The truth of the matter is, we are all judgmental beings. We all think that the things that we are doing with our children are the correct way to go about them. If we didn’t – why would we do them in the first place? I think what we all have to remember is that old adage of “Don’t judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes”.

Yes, you may be a mom. That means that you have experience. But we all know that children are like snowflakes and raising each one is an experience unto itself. Just because something worked for you doesn’t mean that it is the be-all-end-all gift to parenting every child on the planet.

There are moms that blast other moms or being on cell phones at the park. How dare they? They should be paying attention to the little bundles they brought into this world, right? They should be watching every little twirl, every jump, every precious hop because one day they will be gone and they will have missed it.

Seriously? Are the people saying this crap actually raising kids? My typical reason for hitting the park is Jp is driving me bonkers at the house and I need to get him to a place where he can run off some energy, stat. Then, when he crashes out for a nap I still have a ridiculous list of things to get done. Things that go on well into the evening hours. So, please, run like the wind, kid.

Show me a mom that doesn’t need ten freakin’ minutes of peace and I’ll show you my Man Eating Venus Flytrap.

When did it become okay to tell people your opinion on parenting? It baffles me. I would never think to do that. I don’t know what happened at home before I saw what I am seeing right now. I have no idea what goes in your home or how you were raised. I have no clue how many times that woman told her son not to hit his sister before she yelled. I can assume -counting the number I have to say things- it was A LOT. Why do other moms roll their eyes and act as though they are saints all of the sudden?

Show me a mom that’s never spazzed out and I’ll show you my stable full of rainbow unicorns.

Some moms are all in a tizzy because other moms are vaccinating their children or giving them food with high fructose corn syrup. It’s poison in their tiny bodies! Haven’t you read the studies about what it can cause and how it can affect them? It’s child abuse, I say!

Show me a mom that doesn’t think she’s right and I’ll show you my pit of fire-breathing dragons.

Before you catch yourself throwing out a, “What you should be doing..” or “When ____ was that age…” unsolicited, just remember how that one feels when you hear it. It doesn’t feel like helping, does it? It feels as though someone can barely contain themselves in telling you how you are doing it wrong.

It is all right, ladies. Do you love your child? Do you want what’s best for them? Are you trying your best?

Then you are doing what you can. Don’t feel bad for taking your eyes off them at the playground. You could stare at them every minute of every day for the next 18 years. That doesn’t make the time go by any slower or make it more precious. You aren’t going to lose their love if you miss a few twirls here and there. Don’t let other people’s ideals of what they think you should be doing wreck how you perceive yourself as a parent.

Because the one thing I have learned in this lifetime is that the people that give out the most advice and are the most judgmental are the ones that are just avoiding looking in the mirror anyway.

Photo Credit: haplesstigger.blogspot.com

Parenting

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Amber Perea View All →

I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.

42 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Word!

    By the way, I’m so glad you mentioned vaccinations and high fructose corn syrup…..so annoying when people get all high and mighty about those two things! isn’t it so funny that we moms can be so harsh with one another? We’re spending our lives nurturing and raising other humans, but we seem to tear each other apart!?

    • I just picked some Hot Topics that I have been reading about lately to illustrate. These were some of the bigger ones. I love that as moms we want the best for our children but “best” is subjective and people’s ideals will always be different. It’s all about respect since you never know when another mom is struggling and being well meaning may just wreck her day. (It’s happened to me before)

  2. I’m a man, so it’s ok for me to judge women still, right? Grabbing a 12 pack and pounding beers while I ignore my kids and ridicule soccer moms I don’t know at the playground is a favorite pastime. Please say it’s ok!

    • Yes, as a man you are more than welcome to continue to make fun of us. Just make sure to do it quietly or else you could hurt our feelings. We are gentle beings, Don. πŸ˜‰

  3. Love the post, and your perspective. I’m the crazy mom that had the 2 1/2 year old girl pitch a queen hissy fit in the house during therapy this week. She threw herself onto the floor (hardwood – not a nice task), huffed a giant snort at me, waited to see if the therapist was looking, and then WAILED at the top of her lungs. I looked at the worker, looked at the kid, and laughed. It was a good performance, but totally full of it. I think I caught the therapist off guard. I work on a farm, and have large animals. You can watch and protect your kids till the sun stops shining and something will still come and bite them in the buns someday. Best be realistic and roll on!

    • Ah, the crocodile tears. Jp is a master. Maybe we should get them in Theatre. πŸ˜‰

      Protect, love, and do your best but be tolerant and understanding, too! Those are equally great qualities in a mom, right?

  4. This is such a great post!! I loved reading it… I all of sudden don’t feel so guilty for shutting myself in the kitchen for 5-10 minutes a day to get away! If at the end of the night I can go to sleep and know that I tried my best as a parent I am happy.

    • I blog once a day and Jp rarely naps now. So, yes, I turn on the TV and let him zone out to Mickey so I can do it. But I NEED that time. It makes me feel accomplished, recharged, and ready for the rest of the day. So, yes, do what you do that makes you feel the same.

      We’re moms, not martyrs. We have needs and feelings, too, and while we may be last on the list of priorities we still need some needs met, too. Ten minutes of peace a day is NOT too much to ask and never let anyone tell you different!

  5. So true. I usually feel like I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to motherhood. I wing it everyday! Or at least that’s how it feels. I tend to think that the judgmental moms are probably projecting their own insecurities onto others. But what do I know? I was a music major. πŸ™‚

    • Lol that is the reference in my mirror summation comment! Pretty intuitive for a music major! πŸ™‚

      My husband is the creative one and he is very intuitive, too. You need more credit! It takes a special kind of soul to be able to create!

      Wing on, sister! Anyone that tells you that they have all of the answers is someone that will beat themselves up if they fail. The rest of us were only winging it anyway so what’s the harm in falling down every once in awhile?! πŸ™‚

  6. I had a great pastor once who said if you think God made you a leader, look around and see if anybody is following you. If you don’t have any followers, chances are God didn’t gift you in the way you think He did.

    I think that’s a good way to look at giving advice too. If you think you’re meant to give advice out and help the human race in that way, look around and see if anybody is asking for your advice. If nobody is asking for it, yet you’ve declared yourself an expert, you’re probably not.

    A truly great mom will have no shortage of people asking her how she handles this or that. And just because a fellow mom is blowing off steam or complaining about how nothing seems to be working with her child in some area, it doesn’t mean she’s asking for advice.

    Thanks for the reminder.

    Blessings,
    Alyson

      • Uh, yeah. While I was writing this, I realized the only advice I’ve been asked for lately is how do I potty train, and when I told her she was probably asking the wrong person cuz my kids don’t wind up potty trained until they are almost 4, she said, and I quote, ‘Never mind.” Maybe that’s part of the reason I blog – I get to give advice to no one in particular, so I can get away with it.

    • Of course they are! That’s exactly my point. It’s your child, your family, your experience. Live it how you will.

      I advocate that like no tomorrow, Kelly!

      I just picked some hot topic opinions to clarify my point that just because it’s your choice as a parent doesn’t mean that you need to preach or look down on others. I don’t think people understand how they make other moms feel.

      Truthfully, any mom that tries and loves is doing her best. All of the rest is icing. πŸ™‚

  7. Well said.I don’t know what the hell I’m doing regarding motherhood and I think it is important that we admit that to each other rather than all of us lie about how perfect and magical parenting is. It has its moments of course, it also has its messy, ugly, smelly, and gross moments. I love what you said and the fact that you said it πŸ™‚

    • Thank you. Right? Is it magical? Yes! Is it perfect every day? Absolutely not. I have always decided to be real about that.

      We all make mistakes but I like to make moms feel like it’s okay. Before I started this blog I always worried that I wasn’t doing it well enough. Now I’m the one that spreads the word that you’re okay as long as you love. πŸ™‚

  8. Amber, as usual well said!! truth is, i named and paid for my blogs title a long time before i started mommie posting…i wasnt really sure which direction i was going with it at the time. i truthfully have been NOT POSTING (bcuz my brain is ‘different’ than it was before my last child lol but also)
    cuz i feel i just dont want to come off as opinionated about motherhood (from the title)…..bcuz i am NOT–there was a time i WAS but, thats a whole other post!
    thankx for the inspiration empathy and understanding thats extended thru your post(s).
    You’re a fantastic experience writer and i appreciate the honesty here.
    Jeanine πŸ˜‰

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