But Mom! She has two fine hams stuffed down the back of her dress-th!


Sooooooo….while Jp could take or leave other children- he is really into the moms. I am going to have to start calling him The Ladies Man -also know as Leon Phelps- from Saturday Night Live. Seriously, the kid is into the ladies. Today, the first thing he did when we got to the park, before he saw a child or jumped on a piece of equipment, was go over to a bench full of moms (aka the notorious mom pack with their fashionable strollers and perfectly coiffed hair) and climbed up and said hello. Repeatedly.

Awkward me, standing off to the side, like, “Yep, that’s my kid.” *insert weird wave*

Oh, but doesn’t end there, either. He spent the whole time following around a MILF (yep, I just said that) who was literally the best looking woman at the park. Hey, my boy’s got taste. Even I had to admit she was beautiful! Since he was so enamored with her I had to make nice and engage in small talk, super awkward like, since I didn’t know how to explain that while she kept trying to engage him with her son that it was never going to happen. He wasn’t interested in her garden-variety child…he was interested in her flaxen blonde hair and maxi dress.

We got to talking about how athletic he was (you should see this kid on a jungle gym. He looks like I’ve been prepping him for the Olympics since the birth canal) and I mentioned that Chris already had him working on some football training (this is Texas, y’all, we start ’em early) and already knew ‘down, set, hut’. He got super excited to show his new love the moves he knew so well. So I called out the orders and off he went as fast as he could go, looking back the entire time to see if she was watching him….

Straight into a tree. Face freakin’ first.

Oh my goodness! I ran over to get him and he was pretty bad. He had a goose egg on the side of his head that was cringe worthy. But, he handled it like a champion, I have to give him that. When he had calmed down he ran back over to his girlfriend. Um…way to get right back up in that saddle, buddy? Oy vey.

After about an hour of me being forced to follow her around, since my child wouldn’t leave her side, she was finally leaving (thank goodness!) and he started to pout. Seriously, kid?! Then balls-out cry. This isn’t happening right now. I spent ten minutes trying to console him that his stranger-milf-girlfriend would be back soon and we’d see her again.

Is it terrible that I have never been happier to see someone go?

She doesn’t know me from Adam and knows nothing of his social issues but I felt like a mom that was pushed to the back burner when her son gets his first girlfriend. He’s three! Not even three! Not to mention that she probably thought I was some type of negligent parent since my child wanted little to do with me the entire time we were there.

I felt like a third wheel. With my son. Who is a toddler.

Thank goodness that I am a person that can talk to anyone about anything. Otherwise I would be ill prepared for the awkward social situations that Jp puts me in constantly. Though I have to say, even though it makes me a terrible mom, that I could barely contain my laughter when he actually injured himself showing off for the ladies! Did I mention he’s not even three yet?

16 and pregnant, here we come. πŸ˜‰



Childhood Development Parenting


Amber Perea View All →

I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.

23 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Oh dear. Poor peanut! I have to say that I would have probably struggled not to crack up if that happened to my four year old. Oh, kiddos. Never a dull moment, eh?

    • I tried to paint it as awkward as it was. It was pretty bad. πŸ™‚

      I try to be the best mom, I do. I know that for Jp this is a vital step in socialization…I just wish that I didn’t have to stranger hop! This isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last….


  2. Brace yourself for when he is speaking more and shouts in front of everone “Mommy, look at her boobies!!!”

  3. You need to get him a bottle of Crevassier (totally not sure how to spell that and refuse to look it up) but you know what it is, that stuff Leon Phelps drank.

    This was awesome. πŸ™‚

  4. Felix just slept through his first car accident. What if these early displays are indeed indicators of their future personalities/dispositions?? A ladies man and a narcoleptic. Lord help us both!

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