“Stay at home mom” does not translate to neighborhood busybody, m’dear…

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Today there was a knock at my door.

I’m not one for answering the door because…

1) I don’t want to buy your products, super pushy salesperson, and while ‘not taking no for an answer’ makes you a fantastic salesmen, it also makes you a monstrous pain in my booty.

2) I already have a religion and I can’t imagine that this tactic actually works yet you keep a’ knockin’ (stereotypical tiny backpack and bicycle helmet and all).

But before I could even run and hide- Jp was at the door window, peeking through, and alerting you to the fact that I was home (or a horrifically negligent parent that leaves a toddler home unattended).

Le Sigh.

I open the door to find my comically dramatic neighbor (always with the yelling outside of her house…must have been raised somewhere other than the south, bless her heart) and she looked frazzled (as usual).

“Um…hey, I’m ______, and my house was broken into yesterday during the day. I know you don’t work so I was just wondering if you had seen anything.”

I don’t work? This is not the way to gain access to someone’s heart, neighbor lady!

“I’m very sorry, ma’am, but I did not. I actually walked past your house a few times going to and from the park and didn’t notice anything at all.”

She fidgets back and forth a few times.

“Well, I know that you are home all day so I was just hoping that you had seen something.”

Okay, I get it. I’m home. Why does this conversation seem to be getting more and more awkward by the moment?

“No, nothing unusual. I’m very sorry to hear about your house.”

She still isn’t moving. Why is she still here?

“Well, are you sure? I know you are home all day….”

Look lady, this is getting old really quick! I get it, I’m a useless home-staying-laze-about with no job that you apparently think is hanging out in the windows staring at your house like a lunatic but I’m not! Off my stoop already!

“Um…I’m sorry?”

*Cue Jp screaming like a loo-loo bird because he wants to come outside, too*

“Oh, I’m sorry to bother you. I just thought since you didn’t work that maybe you might have seen something.”

She finally wanders off.

Thank God.

What the heck, lady? I get that you are distraught with your current situation but how many times are you going to bring my lack of gainful employment into light here? Just because I am home during the day doesn’t mean that I am sitting in my front window with a pair of binoculars trained at your door, alright? Christmas crackers!

This just reinforces why I never answer the door.

Bunch of crazies out there, I tell you. I never told her I was a stay at home mom. So who’s the busybody here? Hmmmmmm…..

ImagePhoto Credits: metrics.net

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Amber Perea View All →

I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.

24 Comments Leave a comment

  1. This is hilarious because just yesterday I saw two cop cars at the end of my street where there are a couple of duplexes and constantly changing neighbors. I saw my neighbor walking by and opened the door and said too eagerly, “what’s going on down there!?” He was out walking his dogs right by there, so I thought he might have seen something. It probably just made me look like the crazy sahm that is always watching the neighborhood. Ha! Good post.

    • Makin’ the rest of us look bad, Meridith. πŸ˜‰

      I mean, she broadcasts her business all over the neighborhood but it’s not like I’m snooping or anything. πŸ™‚

  2. GUILTY!! I am a Stay Home Dad and I am always monitoring the neighborhood! My 21-month-old daughter and I are into everyone’s business. Please stop us before we sin again!!

    • Three times a week! And the other days I try to plan something fun (super lazy being the back yard lol).

      This kid has the social skills of Napoleon Dynamite, I kid you not! I have to get him used to being around kids as much as I can. πŸ™‚

  3. Yikes, aside from how inconsiderate she was being (probably because she was frantic and not thinking), I hope you are safe!! I always get a bit paranoid when someone on my road has been broken into.

    • If I’m being honest…I’m not worried. This woman is constantly having altercations and her teenage son has the police on our street monthly. I doubt highly it was a random act coming from that family. πŸ™‚

  4. This post is not about annoying lady who knocked at your door, its about stay at home mum tetchiness!! And I dont have a degree, but I soo recognize the symptoms! With you all the way.

    • Kind of! I mean, jeez lady, I get it, I stay home but how many times are you going to drive that point home?

      I wanted to yell, “I’m smart, darnit!” Lol πŸ™‚

      • That has been the hardest thing for me, staying at home and watching some people do so well when in fact you know you are smarter and in fact you think they are eejits. I have gone back working partime after twienty years and in one year have increased revenue for my club by over a third and they are now the largest club by a mile in the country… What I could have been! What can I say I am… a mom, it really is a label of ill repute, despite all the guff about people so respecting us. Oh dear what a rant, Sorry.

  5. Oh my goodness…do we live in the same neighborhood? I sure have the same busy-body neighbors that think I watch TV, eat BonBons all day, and watch their houses! I don’t answer my door either πŸ™‚

  6. Ha! So true! It’s amazing how many people think that we stay at home moms are so lacking for things to do that we have to spy on all the neighbors. Silly people!

  7. You should have told her that you didn’t see anything, but because you were “home all day not working or doing anything reasonably worthwhile”, YOU had in fact broken into her house because you were out of tequila and cigarettes. How fun would that of been?

    • One more awkward statement and I might have suggested the four people she’s argued on the lawn with this year or maybe one of the friends of her delinquent kid (who I can hear from my kitchen either fighting with her or throwing Project X worthy parties when she’s out of town lol).

      Off my stoop, you loo loo bird, and start looking in your phone book! πŸ™‚

      I think that’s what made it so great. I may not work but it sounds like you have problems so I couldn’t even be mad that she has the manners of a toddler. πŸ˜‰

  8. It’s moments like that when I wish we moms had the super power of directed projectile vomit from the mouths of our babes. While it is sad about her home, that’s totally offensive.

    • We have been neighbors for three years and Jp and I take frequent walks. Plus there was a cop car in her driveway…I’m going no. πŸ™‚

      It would be nice to have more friends in the neighborhood and I do wish that was the case but it’s more likely she was frazzled and I am touchy. πŸ˜‰

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