Printing a retraction: I have no problem admitting when I am wrong.

ImageI erased my previous post. Mostly as I want to say that everything that I was spewing was utter crap. The second I hit “publish” I was feeling freed of the emotions that drove me to write it. The more time that went by, the more that I realized that I was inexplicably incorrect. It’s not me, it’s not what I stand for, and it certainly isn’t who I am as a mother.

I have no problem admitting when I am wrong.

So this is my formal retraction. Labels are, indeed, evil and my son is perfect just the way that he is. I have no idea what has gotten into me lately…though it is just part of the crazy emotions that come with parenting, I suppose. Or like when you keep telling yourself you want something so when or if it happens you aren’t too disappointed or surprised. But, again, that’s just MY neurosis. If in the future there is a label placed, then I will live with that, but in the meantime, I can’t leave a post up that states that I want one, because I can’t say that I do. It may have it’s merits but it wouldn’t change anything for anyone. Not the insurance companies, not me, and certainly not my son.

It feels better to write this than the last post -that is for certain- and I while I toyed with leaving it up for historic purposes, in the end, I had to take it down because it wasn’t something that I would ever want him to see. Sometimes, my blog is just me processing, and I have processed this and I can’t stand by what I originally said. It was not a piece that I was proud of or would want to be in the world for him to view later on in life if he is ever able to read this.

He is an amazing kid that is making fantastic strides everyday. He doesn’t deserve a neurotic mother even though he does have one.

Though, at least, now I have erased the evidence (and I might have to stop blogging altogether….). πŸ˜‰



Amber Perea View All →

I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.

31 Comments Leave a comment

  1. From what I have read, I would not classify you as a neurotic mother. I think you are a loving, caring parent that has normal frustrations with raising a child. I love to read about you and your family progress. Good and bad. I learn from it.

  2. I like this post even better. πŸ™‚ You sound like an amazing mommy. And we all want the very best for our kiddos. Even if it comes across badly. I love your honesty!

    • Thank you. It felt better to write. Sometimes I just go through these phases…I can’t explain it other than that. Just moments where I obsess in a very unhealthy manner. Then I calm down. Then I start over. I had no idea that parenting would bring out the best -or the worst- in me! Lol πŸ™‚

  3. I wish I was able to express my frustrations with your grace. I’ve been thinking about setting a blogging “grace” period for myself where I type up a draft and then give it a few hours and re-read. I think I would never publish anything though. It’s good to vent I think, but I worry about posting something that could eventually hurt, too. Hugs, and it sounds like the venting worked by your tone here. πŸ™‚

    • Sometimes you have to put it out there to see how wrong you are. I reread it and wondered who I was! Who wrote this trash? Why am I going against everything that I believe in all of the sudden?

      Though it did take reading it in black and white for me to see it. So, it helped, even though I wish I never thought it.

      To err is human but to admit mistakes and flaws means true progress. Keep blogging your heart out and learning more about yourself with every post. πŸ™‚ Hugs!

  4. I wasn’t on your side in your previous post, but I appreciate that you put it out there instead of just ignoring your feelings. Sometimes just typing and reading what we have going on in our brain helps to sort through it. My only regret is that I’m not your husband right now because I’d smack you in your ass fairly hard and say “Ha, I told you I was right beeotch!” Lol.

    • Look, I’m so bored with him being right all of the time. Seriously. I don’t know…I’m starting to think he has weird mind control powers because before we were together I remember being right. At least every so often. But now…close to never. πŸ˜‰

      He’s either a genius or I’m an idiot. Or both. πŸ˜‰

  5. Don’t stop blogging!!! And if you think none of us moms has ever grappled with being a worrier about things and then later thought twice about something, or changed our mind, or whatever, you’re wrong because I do it all the time!!!! Just don’t stop blogging…….I love reading your posts about Motherhood:)

    • I don’t think I could stop blogging even if I wanted to. I am thoroughly addicted. πŸ™‚

      And thank you, Michelle, for the solidarity. It’s hard, right? Going back and forth endlessly about what the “best” thing to do is when in the end you should be just enjoying their childhood. πŸ™‚ I wish the hard decisions were which park we should go to! πŸ™‚

  6. I totally get what you were posting. You were asking for more help for JP. You know he needs it but to access it you have to have him “labelled”. The worse the label the better, in the sense it gives him more help.
    The reality of that is that you are being seen as someone who cannot see what they have in front of them. But of course you can. You see it every day, but that will not get him help. I get you. You are a great mom, but have to fight his corner. You are also curious yourself to fully understand the extent of his difficulties, the more you know and understand the better. So you seek information. I think all of that is essential in order to help JP in the best way possible.
    Fight on I say, and enjoy all you are achieving as you mother him. He is lucky to have you.

    • You’re the best! Thank you! I know that why I am stressing is valid but sometimes it’s like two different people arguing in my head about it.

      I’m going Kay Sera Sera on it. Whatever will be will be, right? No matter what, he will always have me and my husband and we will work with him on our own if it comes to that. He will never be along. If I have to fight later than it shall be but for now I am just going to enjoy the rest of summer like I planned.

      Gotta put down that researching mouse! πŸ˜‰

  7. You sound like not just a great mommy, but a great human being…admitting when you feel that you are wrong and correcting it proves it…admittedly I missed the post you are retracting, but I sort of get the gist…keep up the great work…

    • Thanks! I was venting because my husband and I were fighting and afterward I just kept thinking that I wished I had never posted it.

      Don’t blog angry! πŸ™‚

      I have no problem admitting when I am wrong. Without that, how will ever get better or be better people?

  8. I didn’t see your original post….where have I been? Anyway, from what I can piece together, you were hoping for a label for Jp. Perhaps hoping for a solid “diagnosis” would make you feel better about it? Because “diagnosis” suggests “course of action”, and you just want him to have access to all possible resources.
    Either way. You are human. You are his mother. You love him. You want what’s best for him. End of story.

    • You are mostly right. I just got on this kick and my husband and I got into a fight about it because he wanted to relax and parent and stop focusing on the what ifs and I wrote a post in the heat of the moment. As with 99% of the things I say in the heat of the moment…I wanted to take it back lol.

      Because you’re right. I love him, he’s my kid, and no one comes from this tight and loving family and it’s at least a LITTLE okay, right. πŸ™‚

  9. In all seriousness, being neurotic is not always a bad thing. I find it can push me to investigate, work harder, or do whatever needs to be done.
    When we were having issues and concerns with Stella’s development, I was about as obsessed and neurotic as they come. I often (sort of) joked that I was just going to get my own f’ing speech path degree, as that would be quicker than waiting for the state and their experts. And I damn sure knew I didn’t want some kind of “permanent record” with a label that may have followed her into school, preventing her from attending certain schools or participating in certain activities. I read everything I could get my hands on, bought workbooks and DVD’s, you name it. All of that helped. And even if it hadn’t helped her, it helped me feel just a touch less powerless.
    You go on being neurotic. Just try to make it productive, you know?

    • I think that was the problem. It wasn’t productive. We have a few more months until three and the evals could go any way….

      I need to stop trying to cross the bridge months before we even get there. He improves so much all of the time…I just need to let the chips fall where they may and be there to pick up the pieces if they do.

      Stop counting chickens (or broken eggs) before they even hatch!

      When or if the time comes I will fight if I have to, research if I need to…but until then, I have to calm down and enjoy the rest of the two’s for him. I’ll never get that time back! πŸ™‚

  10. I don’t think it’s about you being wrong or right. I think in the moment, your feelings were valid. And, your husband is obviously a great parent just like you. And, I don’t think you’re neurotic!! (although I am so my opinion may not be valid) I agree with previous comments, you are a great mom, and your post was productive for you in that you were able to get it out, and process! I wrote a post too that I totally re-wrote the next morning. But, I decided to publish anyway because I felt like it was true to who I was in that moment. But, I get deleting it too!

    • I have never deleted anything before…and I really thought on it. But the truth is, this blog is a representation of me and I truly don’t think that’s me. I let my head get the better of me for a moment but, in the end, it just wasn’t something that I wanted out there.

      But it did help me so I had to write the retraction to say it was there but I changed my mind. See? I really am crazy! πŸ˜‰

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