After my birthday post I received a plethora of comments stating that nearly everyone believed me to be (much) older than my 31 years. Which I found to be quite the surprise considering I would consider my writing style to be “young” (lots of ‘likes’ and ‘I mean”s) and subsequently portraying me as younger than my actual age. Nay, I was told that I was actually considered to be “wise beyond my years”.
What an outstanding compliment, right?
One can only hope to ever be considered a “wise” person…especially someone that almost refuses to grow up– like myself. While, a part of me will always be me: Chuck Taylor’s, tattoos, and all…another part of me feels undeniably old. Life (some choices and others…not so much) has beaten the “old” into me like red-headed stepchild that is fond of wire hangers. Now, I’m not saying that you should pity me (because pity is reserved for people that need it and I have too lovely a life now to deserve it), but I think it warrants saying that my inner age must be showing.
The wisest souls have always made the most mistakes. How else would one become wise if they never fell on their face? One would not know the slope of the step until they have fallen one good time, right? Well, my face certainly would be flat if the anatomy allowed. I have fallen, I have failed, and I spent many a night crying my problems to the only type of therapist that I trusted in my twenties…the kind that dispensed equal parts therapy and equal parts hard liquor.
I pride myself on being a living embodiment that people can change. Though, when I’m honest -even as someone who has made that leap- people mostly still remain the same.
My first instinct is always wrong. Always. For me, growing up has been learning to listen to that first battle cry, sit (maybe even sleep) on it, and then do the opposite of that. So yes, growing up (which, I’m told, makes me appear wise and I will certainly take it with wide, outstretched arms) means that I know that I am a moron with bad instincts. I embrace that wholly. Because, you see, one can only be a moron if you act as one. Simply thinking like one but having the foresight to shut that down and move forward in a more logical and positive manner…well, I suppose that makes me “wise beyond my years”.
And coming from the girl that used to be renown for my bad decisions and epic failures…I thank you all for your wonderful compliments. You flatter me. If you could have seen me reading them through the monitor, I am pretty sure I was actually blushing.
Also, I’m going to pretend that relatively large photo on my page doesn’t make me look old now. My youth was not conveyed by my girlish good looks? With great pride comes great insecurity, huh? *Winks*
I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.