The things that I do NOT miss about having a baby…

I now know -with definitive assurance- why the world is booming daily with new births. It is because, even in the moms that were not on the “Gotta get pregnant, Gotta get pregnant” track originally, once your child hits a certain independent age, you immediately become chemically engulfed with copious amounts of “baby fever”.

What is “baby fever”, you non-parents (do I even have non-parent followers? I am not certain and do not think so but bear with me anyways…), may be wondering?

“Baby fever” is when, seemingly out of nowhere- no matter how resolute you were that your family was a whole before, your ovaries just start aching whenever there is a baby in your proximity. You become overwhelmed with nostalgia when gazing at the onsie section you must pass to acquire the toddler separates, and you find yourself aimlessly pouring over the baby pictures for apparently no reason whatsoever while reminiscing tearfully.

“Baby fever” is real, people, I can attest to this fact for myself now.

ImageWhile I told myself I would never forget the preterm labor, the emergency C-section, the days without my baby, the NICU stay, the subsequent infection from my C-section that you get when you do not take care of yourself and drive 30 minutes away to a NIC-U to sit in uncomfortable chairs all day long -every day- to stare at your sleeping offspring for 8-10 hours (this is an inexplainable phenomenon of mothering: the inability to put yourself first even in the first few days of their life), the four different ER visits for me because of said disregard for my own health…all of it. I said that I would never forget any of it.

Yet, here I sit, overcome with emotion every time I see an old baby bottle lingering in a cabinet or a paci that fell behind something and was never seen again until now.

Though, while this means to jump on the old “baby making wagon” for some, for me, I just do not think it will be in our cards. For many, many medical and health related reasons. Not just my son’s issues, not just mine (that caused the preterm labor to begin with), but weighing everything in as a whole. We know that we were lucky to have him with the complications that I have and I have always been and will always be grateful for that fact.

Though that does not stop the ol’ waterworks from flowing when I go through the baby books again. So, I decided to compile a list of things that I do NOT miss about having a baby. A list of things that, no matter how cute a baby is, I would NOT like to do all over again.Things I barely survived the first go-round:

  1. Trying (unsuccessfully) to breast feed. I would no-more-than-a-man-in-the-moon EVER want cry in a lactation consultant’s (or, more honestly, three) office again. Or pump in a closet while weeping with postpartum hormones raging that the amount was not anywhere near enough to sustain my tiny preemie. Or cart around said pump in a duffel bag while bleeding through bandages. Eff that!
  2. Oh yeah, and speaking of the bleeding bandages…I would NEVER want to have another C-section. Surgery while awake is pretty much as awesome as it sounds. Yes, you can feel every stitch and staple and it was the worst thing I have ever been through. Also, if they had been attempting to stop your labor an hour before, you may be pumped up with drugs that will make you throw up while this is going on. Welcome to motherhood!
  3. Having no freaking clue what the baby is crying about. Yes, I know my son has had communication issues much longer than most, and that makes me even less willing to jump back on the “What do you need? This? This? This?” train.
  4. Sterilizing bottles and binks. I lived in fear of thrush almost constantly and sometimes I often marvel at the fact that I made it through without him getting it. I do not think that God will step in twice.
  5. Packing for the next apocalypse with essentials when leaving the house. You just need so much STUFF with a baby. I remember seeing a mother of a toddler at the pediatrician when Jp was tiny and she snickered at my bag. Now I know why. I throw a diaper, some wipes, a bottle of water, and a handful of skittles in my purse and I am out the door. Most of the time, since I never use the stuff in the purse, it is still there from the time before. I keeps it moving. I remember being late on more than one occasion because I could not find what I needed with my hazy, lack of sleep addled brain.
  6. Baby food. It smells bad, it is a pain to get the dried up crust out of your hair (you know what I’m sayin’, moms), and it is just brutal trial and error to figure out what works and what doesn’t. Jp may not eat much but, at least, he can tell me if he likes something or not.
  7. Speaking of gross smells, I do NOT miss spit up. I literally reeked of sour milk for the better part of a year thanks to the heavy-duty Neosure that Jp was on. And every shirt that I owned looked like it came out of a 14-year-old boy’s bedroom. Yuck, yuck, yuck.
  8. Having to tote that rear facing seat around everywhere. Ugh! So heavy and awkward, right? While in the moment, I had no idea it was as big a pain as it was, now I just unstrap a belt and Jp walks with me (well, most of the time). Sweet bliss.
  9. I am mere inches away from being done with changing poopy diapers forever. If you told me that I had to change diapers for three more years…I might actually cry, I’m serious.
  10. Babies are cute, babies are cuddly, but there is just something frightening about them. They are so helpless. You all know that I am far from a helicopter or worrisome mom, but I have to tell you, they can suffocate in their sleep, choke on everything, and they just have ZERO sense at all. It is almost like they are actually trying to kill themselves. I am lucky, with my laid-back approach, that I got Jp this far. It is never smart to tempt fate twice, you know?

Ahhhhhh…now I feel better. “Baby fever” averted for the day. Now, if I can just stay away from all babies for a few years, I will be perfectly okay being a three person home that is full of love. Stupid hormones and chemicals, I beat you again!

ImagePhoto Credit:



Amber Perea View All →

I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.

38 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Well put. I’m in the same baby fever induced state. Even AFTER a very similar NICU stay. Tempt fate twice??? Not sure if I can… Not sure if I want to. But the hormonal tootsie roll my uterus does when I see a onesie or small infant is undeniable.

  2. I hope to never get baby fever again. I was at a park recently wih a friend who had five kids with her so I was helping out with the baby. I held him and rocked him to sleep in minutes. Not an ounce of my usual thoughts when my older two were about chandlers age now of “aww, maybe I want another one” you know what my thought was? “I’m glad I’m done with all this crazy baby stuff and I’m glad I can give this baby back!” If it gets worse offer to babysit for 24 hrs for a friend with a baby. They will love you and it will cure you!

  3. You are so right. We are almost the second time through. The little one turns 1 in August. Our first son will turn 4 the same month.

    But actually, the second time was a lot easier. We knew everything that would come. And for now he has surprised is only positively.

  4. Haha I laughed out loud at the, “it’s almost like they are trying to kill themselves.” I should mention I’m reading this at 5am while feeding my 2 month old. So happy this is my last. Thank you for making me smile this morning, I agree with every single thing.

    • Lol At three, I don’t blame you! Thanks for laughing! Isn’t it true, though? When Jp was small I was always snatching “death inducing” items from him. I was like, “Why do you want to die, buddy? Am I that bad?!” Lol πŸ™‚

  5. I love this piece and can so relate to most of it – except for the wanting another one. Not even a twinge of it and that makes me feel a little guilty, like I am abnormal for not wanting more. Oh well suppose I should learn to embrace it. At least I have my friends babies that I can snuggle and love xox

    • I am so jealous! I thought when my niece was born I would be good but someone else’s baby just doesn’t “do” it for me the same way. What’s weird, is I never was a “baby person” (loved toddlers, always said I wished I could just have one at three lol) so I went back to that.

      But my baby? I worshiped that kid lol. πŸ™‚

  6. I am also a no kiddo reader. I do have baby fever ALL the time though, which is probably how I found this blog. My husband and I have agreed to wait a few years to travel and get used to being married, but it’s tough. We just moved to Norway and everywhere I turn there is a prego or a baby. These people procreate like crazy, and such well behaved kids (doesnt make it any easier.) Thanks for making my ‘fever’ go away, even if only for a bit, haha.

    • Awesome! Thank you for reading! It always astounds me that people without children wouldn’t find me droll!

      Having kids is wonderful, but having a solid marriage is truly important. Babies are game changers. The stress, the decisions, everything involved means you want you and your husband to be a solid unit. Or you can fracture. You are making a great decision!

  7. Oh my gosh. You are speaking my language. I had a very similar experience with both my kids. Both were preemies, breast feeding was the hardest thing to do ever, and that neosure smells SO BAD. We aren’t having anymore kiddos either (and couldn’t really even if we wanted to) and I also have to find clever ways to avoid baby fever attacks. I love this post! Hilarious and oh so true. πŸ™‚ yay you!

    • Thank you! It’s hard, isn’t it? Well, until the kid you have screams all night long or throws a tantrum and you’re like, “yay for one!” (Or two)

      I didn’t know your kids were preemies?!

      • Yep! Both if them were born at 34 weeks. I delivered Bowen the old fashioned way with no drugs, but he spent about a month in the NICU so I feel you on that. Ella was born via emergency c section and we dodged a bullet with her. Seriously. We are both lucky to be alive. So yeah. And breast feeding was horrible. It was so hard. I only made it three months with both kids and even that was seriously pushing it. 😦

  8. I so feel you, mama. Especially on the breastfeeding and surgery after being pumped up on no-labor drugs!

    Also, I burned my CHIN with the bottle sterilizer once. We had the steam kind and it was 2am and I leaned over it. The tears and hormonal outburst over that one was LEGENDARY! πŸ™‚

    • Bahahaha! Your chin?! That’s a classic. I was totally one and done, too, but sometimes I just get all misty thinking Jp will be an only child.

      I’m an only child and when I lost my parents it was so hard to realize that I was that alone.

  9. You are so funny! It’s like they are trying to kill themselves? That is hilarious! Good luck to you with the baby fever thing. I swore after my third was a girl I would never want to go through it again. My pregnancy with her was the worst! And she was a peanut and still is, but is hell on wheels! She is two and I melt whenever I see a baby. I am very sad that I can not have anymore. The pain disappears. However I do agree about the fears of babyhood and the hauling all the crap around! Have fun as always!

  10. I feel for you. My son was born IUGR (intrauterine growth retardation) from a knotted umbilical cord. He couldn’t suck very well and it could take an hour to get a couple of ounces down him. I had terrible post partum depression, my son wouldn’t nurse, I spent all day either pumping or trying to get him to nurse and I didn’t have enough milk. Back then, I didn’t have any lactation nurses offered to me for help. I just did the best I could. But the experience was bitter. Yes I did have another 3 years later, but I went into liver failure with that pregnancy. I also couldn’t nurse her.

    • There is nothing worse feeling than failing at motherhood right out of the gate, right? We used to joke (we laugh to abate the self pity here) “All you had to do is incubate him and you couldn’t even do that right!” Lol πŸ™‚

      Luckily, I had no postpartum sadness. Even with all the drama (and my mom passed away the day he came home from NICU) I was surprisingly well balanced. Small wonder…

      • LOL–love it, I am definitely not an incubator either. How the frontier women did it is beyond me.
        WOW. Hats off to you. To lose your mom when you needed her most. I am amazed at your resilience!

      • It’s funny…I never would I said I was a string person until all of that happened. I actually considered myself to be quite weak beforehand.

        But I suppose the old adage is true, “You never know how much strength you have until strength is your only option”, eh? πŸ™‚

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