You can look at the cup however you want. That doesn’t change how much liquid is in it…

ImageI had an interesting discussion after reading this post titled, My Sippy Cup is All The Way Full, B!tches!, from a fellow blogger, Dylan @ Me Vs Gavin. The post was about how unapologetic he felt concerning the fact that he has two awesome, well behaved children. It seems that he is frequently met with disdain (which probably translates to jealousy) from moms that just want to hash out the bad parts of parenting with him.

It is a form of judgmental parenting, which we are all aware that I am against, and I agree that seeing someone that is NOT struggling like some of us do and looking down on that is simply wrong. But, I urged him to see that some of us, no matter how positive that we are or what tactics that we implement, just have issues with our children that are outside of our control. We could choose to “see the sippy cup as half full” all that we want and that does not mean that our kids will be different.

Because some of us are already raising kids that are different.

Spirited, special needs, preemies, whatever the case may be…some kids -no matter the rearing techniques used- are just a freaking handful and a half. My son, cute as the day is long, will rip my hair out when he is mad. Do you think that I have not sat up nights reading and trying new ideals, new material, new everything to make this not the case? Do you think that I want to be the mom toting a screaming child out of a mall while he kicks and bites me? Many of you have been following me long enough to read my struggles with behaviors, the ups and the downs, and know that while I may do it with a smile on my face…that does not make it easy.

That doesn’t mean that I am being negative. Or that “my sippy cup is half empty”.

It just means that sometimes people are blessed with wonderful, level headed children. That is amazing. But some of us just are not. It is not a perception. It is not us failing to see the beauty. It is not us being in any way ungrateful. It is just a stone cold fact. Seeing the positive does not make my son understand questions and complex ideas (like anything that is not a noun or verb) and if it could, we all know, I would have mastered that and he would writing speeches for the president of the United States by now. I know that no matter how I see it, his lack of understanding brings about behavior issues that people with well behaved children would never be able to wrap their head around, and I am okay with that. He is my child and I know and that is all that matters to us.

But this did bring something to my attention that I thought I would share. I may have been that mom that rolled my eyes at someone who said they had two great kids, too. I could very well have been just as judgmental (again, probably just more jealous) to him as the moms that scoff loudly at me in the places where my son throws his epic tantrums are to me and it probably hurts just as much. Shame on me.

So, I am grateful for the lesson, Dylan. I hope the feeling was mutual.

Parenting

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Amber Perea View All →

I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.

13 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Good points. I have a special needs son too and love him and appreciate them and all that jazz, but yeah, sometimes it’s not fun to have to deal with a meltdown in the grocery store. And sometimes I make faces and vent about it. We shouldn’t judge each other, and I think that parents raising kids like ours appreciate that more than parents with level-headed wonderfuls.

    • That was my main point. I was trying to convey that moms that may be walking away from the “my kids are great” convo may be struggling. Hard.

      I mean, not all people are great and not all kids are perfect. And sometimes the well mannered perfect kids just remind us that ours aren’t. It’s not you, it’s me, you know? 😉

  2. I have a “fantastic kid” who is in the gifted program, artistic, loving, kind, thoughtful, friendly blah blah. I deserve no credit for it. It is just who she turned out to be.
    I have a “nightmare child” who was medically frail until around age 10, then mentally frail since. He has been inpt psych for threatening to kill us, I have sat up nights during his alcohol intoxications, agonized over his drug use, and I have to lock away every medication in the house or he will steal it. He has stolen from us and knocked holes in our walls when out of control. But with this one I feel pressured to take the fall for his behavior.

      • [Smile] He is older by 31/2 years but she takes care of him. Makes him food etc. She is a mini me….I used to do the same for my brother. And neither appreciate the gesture! I feel for her, the stress is difficult at times. I just hope all our grief steers her away from it. She adores my husband, and daughters that have good relationships with dads tend to stay out of trouble more, so the studies say anyway. Crossing fingers on that!

  3. Yes, the feeling was mutual! I appreciate the conversation, Amber. In a world without judgement, there would be nothing left to see but love. And I hope I’m alive long enough to witness it.

    • Awwwww, thank you! It was one of those discussions that I tread lightly but had to speak up. I even said that I think it might be “easy to see the cup as half full when your kids are well behaved.” Special needs isn’t a perception. It’s our reality every single day.

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