I’m cheap and fat. This is not a good combo.

1339525288875_2553353Okay, so I am not really fat, per se. I did, however, put on a few pounds at the height of bathing suit season and I am not digging it. The other day I put on a new(er) pair of super cute capris that I just bought and they felt a bit snug. Did they shrink? So, I threw on another (older) pair. Nope, these were just as tight.

Onto the scale I went. 4 mystery pounds. Fan-freaking-tastic. I am officially on my way to having a muffin top (and we all know how sexy that bakery product looks popping out of a pair of jeans).

Now, I mentioned that I am cheap. Like, coupon-clipping-simply-because-food-just-tastes-better-35%-off-not-because-I-can’t-afford-it super cheap. So, not only am I too cheap to go buy new summer clothes when I just bought some, I am also too cheap to actually pay for a fitness class of any sort and even if I trusted those sheisty diet pills…I am entirely too cheap to pay for them, either. What is a girl to do, right? That tankini that I scoffed at is looking better and better. And if I wasn’t so bloody cheap…I might even consider it. But alas, I just cannot help it. I am a bonafide thrift monster and I bought a suit a month ago so I am just going to have to get my chunky butt back into it (baby spare tire or not).

Since I cannot even begin to imagine spending the money to sign up for an actual class, and I once considered myself quite the yoga guru, I decide to just youtube some yoga videos, shake the dust off of the old mat, and make this magic happen like I did in my twenties.

Ha ha ha (head back, jiggly belly laugh) ha.

You know what I have now that I did not back then? A toddler. A wild, crazy, demanding toddler that is used to my days and nights centering around catering to his every whim and want.

And so this is what a half hour of Body Flow yoga looks like with Jp present:

Downward facing dog.


“I hungee.” Get up and make peanut butter sandwich even though he just had one 15 minutes ago. There is no arguing with the bottomless pit that I gave birth to.

Warrior pose.


“Mamma!? Mamma! Mamma!” Get up. “Yes, Jp?” He wants nothing. Stifle the momentary urge to sell him on the black market.

Breathe in and expand. Triangle pose.


“Aaaaaaaaaah!” Run in to find him underneath his rocking horse. Christmas crackers. Did you really have to scream like that? It weighs a pound and a half.

Feel your center and plant your feet and push into a deep…

*Loud crash from the next room jolts me from an already precarious pose*

Seriously, kid? Are you the same child that will sit down with an electronic and ignore me for well over an hour like I am not even in the room? What is going ON in there?!

Go into his room. Put the fallen lamp back on the table. Plead uselessly for him to pretty, pretty, pretty please just watch The Hungry Caterpillar for 20 more minutes. Please.

Warrior three pose.


He comes in and yanks on my shaky leg and we topple to the floor in a heap.

That is it! I give up! How am I supposed to get my Namaste on if you won’t give me 30 minutes of peace, for goodness sakes!?

Anyone else down for some midnight yoga? πŸ˜‰

Photo Credit:








Amber Perea View All →

I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.

13 Comments Leave a comment

    • Nah, I’m weirdly consistent. So, if its there, it’s there. I do weird weight fluctuations every 3-4 years or so which is why I started yoga in the first place.

      And when you are thin…four pounds is crazy noticeable, I promise. I’m not one of those girls that whines about her weight. I hate those thin girls that talk about being fat! And if this was winter…I’m sure I wouldn’t even bother. πŸ™‚

      But it’s bathing suit season and we go to the pool twice a week and I already get the “looks” for being in a bikini in the first place. I want to at least look good in it! πŸ˜‰

      • I thought I looked pretty good four pounds ago! But age ages the ol body! My birthday was a month ago so the shift is right on schedule. Booooooo!

        You’re funny! Three kids is amazing. My body could never handle that (literally) so you are my hero!

  1. I love this! It’s so hard to exercise with a toddler in tow. I’m able to work out now that my kids are 2 1/2 and 4 1/2, but for a few years there my “exercise” was basically chasing them around the house. Have you tried circuit training? When my youngest was born I downloaded the Nike Training Camp app and used that like crazy. It takes up a lot of storage space, but it’s a good workout that really amused the kids to watch. They even joined in on some of them! Anyway, keep rocking the bikini. I’m sure you’re just imagining the “looks.” I’m in awe of moms in bikinis, not judgmental!!!

    • I don’t like to “work out” because I’m lazy! Yoga feels like conditioning for dance and that is familiar so it’s the only thing I will stick with! πŸ™‚

      I live in an uppity suburb and those looks are real! Lol Im a tarot card reading hippie so I’m great with reading people’s “energy” and it’s not awe, it’s something else. But ce la vie, right?

      But I only have one and he was a preemie so I was lucky enough to not get stretch marks. Leg cellulite? Now that’s an entirely different story… πŸ˜‰

  2. Haha midnight workouts are normal in my house. Although, Aiden is not the issue, the girls are. In fact Aiden wants to join in and he shouts, “Exercise, EXERCISE” all day long (even if I’ve already completed my workout for the day). He’s quite the motivator.

  3. Too funny – a pound and a half – you sound so much like me! And isn’t it crazy – they only “need you right now!” when you are having a “please please please leave me a lone” mommy moment?!

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