Parent Shaming…Just keep yo trap shut.
Today a fellow mother friend of mine told me a (horror) story. She had ended up giving in to her son in front of another mom because she was picking her battle and did not feel the need to press the issue and cause a commotion with company present. The other mom with her then felt the need to tell her that she was being “too nice” and then go on to explain how she would have handled it differently
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If you have ever been that “other mom” in the above story…just do me a favor, will you? Smack yourself in the face reeeeeeally hard a few good times and say, “Bad me!” Seriously, it is none of anyone’s (no matter how awesome you think you are banging out this parenting gig) business how anyone parents their child. This statement is addressing different parenting styles, not verbal or physical abuse, of course. So unless you see a mother in some way harming her children…keep yo trap shut.
Maybe you wholeheartedly believe in feeding your child organically…that is wonderful. Good for you. But that is a choice that you make and that choice does not make you better in any way than someone that thinks that fruit snacks and twinkies are just a fun and harmless part of childhood. Keep yo trap shut. That mom does not want to hear about your research and no, they did not read the article that you did about red dyes or hormones in beef. Just leave them be and keep doing what you are doing and feel good about that. Perhaps you may think think that television rots the brain and you avoid it all costs. That is awesome, keeping kids busy is a full-time job and I commend you. Though, if a parent says that they let their child watch TV whenever they want…I know it may cause you physical pain but keep yo trap shut.
Everyone is different and, in parenting, we all have different priorities for wildly different reasons. Respect that. And if you cannot…well, you know what is coming…keep yo trap shut about it. You never can judge a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes and since it is not really possible to ever truly know a person’s driving forces or why they are the way that they are -no matter how lovely the sentiment- this means quit judging. Or, at the very least, keep quiet about it. You know, that other old adage that I love so: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
I have said it a million times over on this blog but, the truth is, all of us are just doing our best. Maybe my “best” is different than your “best”. That does not make either of us right or wrong, it just makes us different. Different is good. It is what makes up all of the beauty in the world, right? I am not sure when parenting became something that we all, as moms, felt the need to make into some grand competition but it really, truly is not. It is not about who tries the hardest to be healthy, who buys what kind of toys, or suppresses themselves into a shadow of their former self to be this Stepford-Mother-of-the-Year-figurehead but the fact of the matter is…being a mom is not about other moms and what they are doing.
It is about your relationship with your children.
So, if you feel that superiority bubbling up and you just cannot believe that mom is doing what she is doing…just remember the wise words of ol’ Amber..
Keep yo trap shut, yo, ’cause how does it feel when someone judges your parenting?
Photo Credit:
Parenting catty moms judgemental parenting kids moms motherhood parenting
Boy women can sure be some catty bitches, you know that? A dude would never tell another dude, “hey dude, you shouldn’t let your two year old eat Doritos and drink from your beer because it causes brain rot” or something. I might tell a friend that he’s going to turn his son into a pussy if he lets his wife coddle the boy too much, but I think that’s ok.
Seriously! Also your pics always have me rolling! Loved this! And hubby loved Dons comment. Then he said isn’t organic like buying from the butcher not kroger? 😉
Thank you! I’ve only had a few moments of “Whoa! I would never do that.”
1) Kid at a party at two AM and both parents were hammered and playing beer pong.
2) Saw a mom telling her ex that he was molested in front of their 12 year old.
Both times…kept my mouth shut. Because…hey, it’s better than being a pussy, right? 😉
Exactly! If a person wants your opinion they’ll fucking ask for it!
True. I didn’t know that story and who the hell am I? My kid watches more TV than will ever do a craft and spends half his time plugged into an electronic. I’m not Mother of the Year so throwing around judgement is not my bag. 🙂
Maybe electronics is a kid’s “thing”. If you deprive him of it and fuck him up because you think he should be outside in the sun, then what have you accomplished? Suntanning isn’t a paying job and he might get cancer! Well not your son since he’s a Mexican, but other kids…
Seriously, the kid doesn’t burn. He barely browns. Mexican is one helluva gene. 😉
Women ARE bitches. I’ve had complete strangers tell me what I’m doing wrong. Usually I just walk away, but sometimes I give em a dose of me. Seriously. Can’t people just mind their own fucking business?
Agreed. Who the hell died and made these women queen of parenting? I hope all their self righteous behinds get the hell-on-heels teens, I really do. Then I can be like…”Well, thank god you never gave them processed sugar…” 😉
Seriously? I can’t imagine in a million years saying something like that to someone. Some people are just plain weird. And besides, I don’t know a mother out there who hasn’t given in on something just to shut their kid up while they are out. I bet the woman in this story has despite her ridiculous lecture!
All moms pick their battles. Or else we would all throw ourselves in front of buses. Or they are those people that are so intent on raising “good adults” that they are willing to just tank the whole “fun” in raising children in the first place. 🙂
Amen! Even when I was a nanny (many years ago) I refused to tell the autistic child’s mother what I felt she was doing wrong. It was not my place. Sadly, I had to resign from the job. The boy has 8 nannies prior to me. All resigned. The problem was never the boy. It was always his mother.
Telling a mom how to mom is murder. Even for pay! 🙂
Yup. Which is why I resigned. I never worked as a nanny after that.
Huh? I think more men should be involved in giving women, especially strangers, advice on how to raise their kids. That’d be fun.
Try it and then Youtube the aftermath. I’d waste an evening watching that. 🙂
You are so dead on here. Even as someone who isn’t a mom yet I learned a long time ago that it is never my place to tell someone how to parent their child. Regardless of what I think, unless they ask for my opinion, I keep my mouth shut.
It also reminded me of this: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/quit-pointing-your-avocado-at-me_b_3492304.html
Thanks! But this link doesn’t work???
How odd. Try this one, same story different host
http://momastery.com/blog/2013/06/21/quit-pointing-your-avocado-at-me/
Truth. Just this week, I opened my mouth to a complete stranger, and while I was doing it, I thought, “Meredith!! What the crap are you doing??” I NEVER ever do that. But, it was because I had just witnessed a little boy crack his head open running around the splash pad, and when I saw another kid running like a wild child, I just wanted to let the mom know what had just happened, but I felt like a complete idiot for doing it.
You were being helpful. But it always best to err on the side of caution! 😉
And you never know what their whole story is. Just seeing one part of their life doesn’t mean that’s the whole story. Except the kid up at 2am while his parents were smashed playing beer pong. That probably is the whole story 🙂
That story was a bit ridiculous. But I wasn’t about to say anything, either.
fabulous post, my sentiments exactly, brilliant I loved this post 😀
Thank you so much!
fantastic post! Love it!
Yes my daughter spends time on her tablet device, yes she eats chocolate after school and ice cream!
My kid, my rules!
My son watches a ton of Disney junior and eats junk. I’m doing it my way and could care less who knows it. 😉
Love this. I had to share on my facebook page 🙂
Thank you! That makes me feel so special! 😉
I gave you the Very Inspiring Blogger Award, the info is on my page. Not everyone likes or wants to participate in these and if you dont, it’s okay, I wanted to include your great blog in my list for my followers to see. Keep up the great work!
Awwww, thank you! I feel so honored!
WHERE ARE YOU!!!??? No guilt trip. Just missing your insight into, well everything! 🙂
That’s hilarious! I just wrote a sorry-for-being-absent post. Catching up now! 🙂
You hit the nail on the head! I love this post! It should be on giant signs …like on a billboard!
Right? Thank you!
Yes RIGHT! LOL..I just love this Amber needed a laugh today too!