Why Nicholas Sparks is a Millionaire…

Tonight was a less than perfect night for yours truly. It was one of those rare (thankfully) times in the course of a marriage where you have to take a step back, realize that no one is going to win here with emotions running high and tempers even more so, and then you have no choice but to angrily retreat to your separate rooms of the house to sit and dwell upon what has just happened (mostly how it escalated so quickly) and while it means nothing in the grand scheme of your marriage, in that moment of weakness, it means everything.

It reminds you of every seemingly silly fight that the two of you have ever had; it brings to the surface every happy memory that you can conjure up and openly weep over. You find yourself searching through the television for something heavy in unrealistic romance as if salt on the metaphoric wound will somehow make it better in some way. Or, perhaps, you just want to feel terrible, to wallow in that sadness, because it could change the outcome of the next time that you find yourself here with tears streaming down your face. Because that, in essence, is just how we work as women.

ImageWe love to feel our emotions. To have our one-sided inner monologues. To sit with the feelings and regret and sadness…while we watch our sad sack movies of love that does not go on beyond the final credits to the place where real love actually exists. Love that ebbs and flows as true love does, where couples fight and make up, and where these perfectly masculine yet completely-in-touch-with-their-emotions men are as commonplace as air. A place of sheer perfection that is rarely found in the real world where messy and human emotions live.

Even though I have -and will always be- considered a “guy’s girl” with my masculine ways of thinking and my tendencies to be rational to a fault…I never feel more female than in a fight with my husband as I sob into a Kleenex and wallow in a dream world of insanely romantic cinema.

Perhaps, if we had not watched so much of it growing up, we would not find ourselves so thoroughly disappointed at times in a relationship. We would not feel that marriage would always be this fairy tale that we were cast as the princess in. Maybe then we would know that “work” we were warned in a relationship was the mending of intentionally hurt feelings that accompany arguing with the one that you love.

Yet, the thing that could have caused us the most unfulfilled expectations are still the thing that we seek solstice in. Life, it seems, is not without a sense of irony.

Image

Yeah, until a decade in and those differences become the sources of major (and less cute) fights. Notice how that movie skips, like, 30 years of real-life marriage? I call b.s.!

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Marriage

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Amber Perea View All →

I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.

15 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Awww babes i totally understand that feeling. All those feelings. The only things that come to mind are ‘this too shall pass’ and tomorrows another day. You guys will no doubt figure it out! Oh if all else fails, read a Nicholas Sparks Novel!! Talk about tears and LOVE–try ‘the letter’ if others are too long. That was my favorite through my twenties love with TEENs father ;”( XO

  2. LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. I’ve learned something really important the past 3 years: marriage is HARD. (Stop the presses! Breaking news!) This post perfectly sums up what marital “spats” are like. Seriously. LOVE this. Thanks for sharing this post.

  3. Old lady jumping in the mix here:

    I’ll reaffirm. Marriage is hard. And a good marriage is really hard. I know, because I’ve been at it for almost 28 years! And having young children is the hardest part. But you can get better at disagreeing, and you do learn to love madly in spite of differences. I’m writing my love story every day.

  4. Ha ha! I particularly like to wallow in self pity after ever major fight..and I sometime I get further melodramatic and picture my death and how lonely he will be without me and how he will miss me and beg for my forgiveness but he can’t have it cause I am dead..LOL! Silly, I know but makes me feel so much better.

  5. thank you for posting this! man, in those moments after a really stupid but bad fight, I always think “how are we ever going to make it??” and then we make up and its great until the next fight. Such is marriage and so glad that we are not alone, because when we are in a “rough” patch, I tend to think we are the only married couple who is like that and again, “how will we make it?” xo

    • I think in those moments of turmoil we all wonder that. I know I do. Marriage is work, it’s not always easy, and most people don’t talk about that until its bad. Now me? I know our love is greater than our fights but that doesn’t mean that they don’t throw me for a tailspin every time. πŸ˜‰

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