Reality Bytes…

Do you know what I simply love and I could genuinely care less what anyone thinks about it? Reality television. The more inane and ridiculous the better. To me, it is like a McDonald’s cheeseburger. Is this tiny little garbage burger in any way nutritious or doing anything for me other than giving me indigestion? No, of course not, but that doesn’t make it any less delicious.

Reality TV is like junk food for my soul.

I love it; almost all of it. It is basically like “people watching” on steroids. Something inside of me (the dumbest part of me, obviously) is simply thoroughly entertained by watching people behave abhorrently for my voyeuristic entertainment purposes. Watching people implode from their 15 minutes of fame gets me all excited like when you see the biggest box under the tree is yours at Christmas.

I love you, mindless reality television, and I don’t care who knows it. And how do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

All Real Housewives franchises:

housewivesYes. Yes! These! All of these are so awesomely terrible that I cannot stop watching. I don’t care what city you collect a crop of rich, spoiled, and obnoxious bitches from…I will watch it. I will sit there every week like a 8th member of that group while I sip my wine and judge them just as much as they judge each other. I become a gossipy high school girl whenever it’s on. Oh you have no idea what she said about you last weekend in Tahoe, girl, or you wouldn’t have invited her to your white party!

Oh, and their wealth. It is something that dreams are made of.  Just filthy rich beyond all stretch of the imagination and yet they are miserable and spend the vast majority of their time complaining about something or another. Things that people with real problems wouldn’t waste their time thinking about.

And for some reason…I find nothing more entertaining.

16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom:

amber portwoodDon’t ask me why I find this so hilarious, I just do. It is like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I know that I cannot imagine being in that position at their age…but the way that they go about making decisions and their processes to get there are just astounding proof that there is no one dumber on the planet than a 16-year-old girl. Which is made even funnier by the fact that they think they are the exception to every rule. Wild stuff to watch.

And I think I only watch Teen Mom just to put money on which one will go crazy and end up in jail. So far I have yet to be disappointed.

Real World and Challenges:

These, I have to credit with being the original reality shows that originally got me hooked. So, it goes without saying that I still watch every. single. one. I would not even say that they are the best ones out there at this point but you always remember your first, right?

As for the people on the Challenge, I have literally been watching for so long that I feel like I actually know them. (Guilty secret: I actually follow almost all of them on Facebook. *Hangs head in shame*) So how could I not watch?

All Therapy-Related Shows:

dmx-breaks-downAnd I do mean all of them– Couples Therapy, Marriage Boot Camp, Celebrity Rehab…all of it. One, I love therapy. I mean, I love that stuff more than the air that I breathe. I will watch anything that makes people get into their past and break down into tears. Then I cry with them. This can only be attributed to the fact that I am, for certain, crazy. Which I totally know but do it anyway. Two, watching “celebrities” (I use that term very loosely for this purpose) are funny to watch in therapy. They always go in to be on yet another show (you can tell) so watching them break down is that much more satisfying for some reason. (Bonus points for reality stars on reality therapy shows *salivates*)

“My one dream is to be a singer/dancer” Shows:

There are too many of these to actually even mention. But I love them. I love the people, the back stories, and feeling like a 5th judge. That was pitchy. Who does she think she’s fooling? What makes this even more ridiculous is that I can’t even sound good while singing auto-tuned in the shower. Does that stop me from putting my two cents in like I have four platinum albums hanging in my den (or acting like I even have a den)? Nope. Put the mic down, dude, and work toward middle management like the rest of us untalented bastards.

I have no shame. I even watch the Bad Girl’s Club. If you have never heard of it…good for you. It makes you worry for the world as a whole. They take 7 or 8 “bad” girls (think: loud, obnoxious, 20-somethings), stuff them in a mansion, get them drunk, and then watch them fist fight like something out of a bad women’s prison movie. Meeeeeeeeemorrrrieeeeees. Like the corners of my miiiiiiiiind. 

Do you have any guilty television viewing pleasures? Come on, make me feel better about myself.

reality ecard

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Amber Perea View All →

I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.

30 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Oh my gosh. I love reality TV so much that I have purposely gotten the cable package that will allow me the least amount of reality TV watching as possible. Seriously. I have the family package which gets like 4 channels. But, I LOVE the Bachelor/Bachelorette and any of those ridiculous dating shows. They are AMAZING.

    • I tried those but the only thing I don’t like is the way they are filmed (?). I am kind of a cinema geek so the camera angels and lenses are actually important to me. (Nerd alert) And they use the same filters as they do for soap operas.

      I can’t believe you want less reality! I have the package that has literally every single channel…so I’m screwed. 🙂

  2. Finally someone honest enough to admit watching what I watch – all the friggin Housewives I can lay my hands on. My Fav is Kenya Moore, gone with the wind fabulous 🙂 🙂

    • Lol I think mine for all of them is Kathy from Jersey. That sounds crazy but my husband and I always joke that we are literally them. She makes my heart happy. But if I am going for my favorite drama queen…certainly Tamara. She’s crazy but still vulnerable. See, I need a life here! 🙂

      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. 🙂

  3. Oh My God. I’m so glad you love those Challenges because I don’t know of anyone besides my best friend and I that are as obsessed with them as we are. (Team CT/CT & Diem here by the way)

    And don’t get me started on The Housewives and Teen Mom. I could really just talk about this forever. So I’ll stop. Love this post.

    • I love you but Diem acted like such a brat last challenge! I’ve been team Bananas forever. And Camila. She’s a beast! And crazy. So I totally dig that about her. 🙂

      And the Teen Moms? Train wrecks. Totally awesome to watch! Thank goodness I am not the only one!

      • To be honest, I haven’t been able to stand Diem the last few challenges. I just love how CT is around her so she’s on the team by default. 😛

        Camila is totally psycho, but that makes her fun to watch! Bananas is OK but I think I prefer Evan over Johnny. Haha!

  4. I’m hooked on pretty much any cooking reality show. Project Runway makes me pine to make stuff (too bad I have zero talent). I’ve never missed an episode of Deadliest Catch. My mother and I both obsessively watch Ink Master and Face Off. I even watch Honey Boo Boo. Yes, I’m guilty.

    • Face off and Ink Master are my jams! And Tattoo Master (?) the other one. It makes me pine for more work lol. And it doesn’t hurt that I think Chris Nunez is like the hottest guy next to my husband.

      Face off this year is going to Tate. I’m calling it! 🙂

  5. HAHAHA hilarious! I used to watch several versions of Real Housewives – Orange County was my favorite one (except for the season with Lynne because, really? She was pathetic). I seriously snorted with laughter after checking out Alexis’ “couture” after she couldn’t even explain what it was. And who didn’t think Teresa Guidice’s incomprehensible gibberish was almost as hilarious as her table-thumping? Can you say “ingredientses” HAHAHAHAHAAAAA! I can’t stand any of the teen preggo shows, though.

  6. Love the ingredientses in the recipes and the deleting of the phone textes. Theresa always brings on a laugh. 🙂 🙂
    But Kenya Moore is the best – gone with the wind fabulous!

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