Do you know what I simply love and I could genuinely care less what anyone thinks about it? Reality television. The more inane and ridiculous the better. To me, it is like a McDonald’s cheeseburger. Is this tiny little garbage burger in any way nutritious or doing anything for me other than giving me indigestion? No, of course not, but that doesn’t make it any less delicious.
Reality TV is like junk food for my soul.
I love it; almost all of it. It is basically like “people watching” on steroids. Something inside of me (the dumbest part of me, obviously) is simply thoroughly entertained by watching people behave abhorrently for my voyeuristic entertainment purposes. Watching people implode from their 15 minutes of fame gets me all excited like when you see the biggest box under the tree is yours at Christmas.
I love you, mindless reality television, and I don’t care who knows it. And how do I love thee? Let me count the ways…
All Real Housewives franchises:
Yes. Yes! These! All of these are so awesomely terrible that I cannot stop watching. I don’t care what city you collect a crop of rich, spoiled, and obnoxious bitches from…I will watch it. I will sit there every week like a 8th member of that group while I sip my wine and judge them just as much as they judge each other. I become a gossipy high school girl whenever it’s on. Oh you have no idea what she said about you last weekend in Tahoe, girl, or you wouldn’t have invited her to your white party!
Oh, and their wealth. It is something that dreams are made of. Just filthy rich beyond all stretch of the imagination and yet they are miserable and spend the vast majority of their time complaining about something or another. Things that people with real problems wouldn’t waste their time thinking about.
And for some reason…I find nothing more entertaining.
Don’t ask me why I find this so hilarious, I just do. It is like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I know that I cannot imagine being in that position at their age…but the way that they go about making decisions and their processes to get there are just astounding proof that there is no one dumber on the planet than a 16-year-old girl. Which is made even funnier by the fact that they think they are the exception to every rule. Wild stuff to watch.
And I think I only watch Teen Mom just to put money on which one will go crazy and end up in jail. So far I have yet to be disappointed.
These, I have to credit with being the original reality shows that originally got me hooked. So, it goes without saying that I still watch every. single. one. I would not even say that they are the best ones out there at this point but you always remember your first, right?
As for the people on the Challenge, I have literally been watching for so long that I feel like I actually know them. (Guilty secret: I actually follow almost all of them on Facebook. *Hangs head in shame*) So how could I not watch?
All Therapy-Related Shows:
And I do mean all of them– Couples Therapy, Marriage Boot Camp, Celebrity Rehab…all of it. One, I love therapy. I mean, I love that stuff more than the air that I breathe. I will watch anything that makes people get into their past and break down into tears. Then I cry with them. This can only be attributed to the fact that I am, for certain, crazy. Which I totally know but do it anyway. Two, watching “celebrities” (I use that term very loosely for this purpose) are funny to watch in therapy. They always go in to be on yet another show (you can tell) so watching them break down is that much more satisfying for some reason. (Bonus points for reality stars on reality therapy shows *salivates*)
“My one dream is to be a singer/dancer” Shows:
There are too many of these to actually even mention. But I love them. I love the people, the back stories, and feeling like a 5th judge. That was pitchy. Who does she think she’s fooling? What makes this even more ridiculous is that I can’t even sound good while singing auto-tuned in the shower. Does that stop me from putting my two cents in like I have four platinum albums hanging in my den (or acting like I even have a den)? Nope. Put the mic down, dude, and work toward middle management like the rest of us untalented bastards.
I have no shame. I even watch the Bad Girl’s Club. If you have never heard of it…good for you. It makes you worry for the world as a whole. They take 7 or 8 “bad” girls (think: loud, obnoxious, 20-somethings), stuff them in a mansion, get them drunk, and then watch them fist fight like something out of a bad women’s prison movie. Meeeeeeeeemorrrrieeeeees. Like the corners of my miiiiiiiiind.
Do you have any guilty television viewing pleasures? Come on, make me feel better about myself.
I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.