I hate fighting with my husband. And by fight, I mean bicker until someone finally wanders out of the room because it won’t end nicely. The reason that I hate it, is because I simply can’t win. Ever. He is simply better at the whole entire process than myself. Seriously. This is coming from the girl that was the Captain of her debate team in high school– twice. I am just utterly incapable of two things: 1) Arguing emotions or opinions. Debaters argue facts. Tangible bits of information that you can really sink your teeth into and fact check over a multitude of media. Who is or who is not more angry is irrelevant and inconsequential to a debater. These things cannot be quantified. So, when he argues them like they are -actually- facts…I am beyond lost in how to even begin. I literally don’t even know how to respond. And when I attempt, he just throws more opinions mascaraing as facts at me. How do you debate what is not actually there? How can you insist that one person’s feelings or ideas are more valid? Uh no, you can’t. It’s not possible. 2) I cannot seem to respect someone else’s emotions. Yes, I know this makes me an asshole. In my personal defense, he’s not that great at it either. It’s a major facet of my original attraction to him. Yes, I also know that makes me an asshole, too. But it’s completely true. He is not a guy that shares his feelings openly and without abandon nor am I a woman that relishes in sharing mine. At all.
Honestly, I don’t even respect my own emotions. I know that I am riddled with them (against my will and better judgement) and they tend to cause me a ton of unnecessary pain and drama. I also know that they have been the driving force in some of the worst decisions I have ever made in my lifetime before I learned to control them. Lastly, I happen to know from vast amounts of experience (from more than a personal standpoint and more of a logistic one) that emotions are often misguided and, what is worse, fleeting at best. So no, not really a big fan of coddling others’.
And yes, I know that this makes me an asshole, once again.
With all of this being said, it is easy to see why I am not good at arguing with my own spouse. When he tells me something that annoys him or frustrates him, I don’t see it and therefore, dismiss his feelings on the matter mentally. I am intelligent enough to use my words to validate him but he is not dumb enough to believe me. Which is another reason that I married him. And yes, I am fully aware this entire post is a testament to what a raging asshole that I am.
I think my only redeeming quality is that, even if I will never “get it”, after the dust settles, I try to change whatever behavior has aggrieved him so. Mostly because I don’t want to have to argue about it again more than anything else….but it counts, right?
Crap, I better go apologize….
I'm just living minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day.